Advice worth avoiding…
October 29, 2006 | Category: Random thoughts, Uncategorized
So this is it…the last paper of the semester…I am going to be very ‘kewl’ and allow my students to choose their own topic for the most crucial paper of the semester… the paper I strongly refuse to accept past the due date…the paper in which MLA has to be perfected … the paper in which spelling, grammar, punctuations, citation, etc. will be perfect … One spelling error = minus 1 point … Anyway, I came across this ‘advice’ (spoof form) and thought it was kinda cute! Definitely the type of advice any college student wishing to succeed ought to avoid :lol:
1. Be sure not to open your texts. After all, doing so may reduce their resale value. Don’t underline important phrases or make marginal notes. If you do, the things will be worthless at the end of the semester when you need to get money for a trip to Europe.
2. Write your paper the night before it’s due. The pressure will do wonders for your powers of concentration and selectivity. Definitely don’t write a draft and revise it; that takes entirely too much time that would be better devoted to fun and games.
3. Be sure that you repeat what your professor has said in class. Verbatim transcripts work best in this regard. That way it’s obvious you’ve been paying attention. After all, if you get your stuff straight from the horse’s mouth, how can you go wrong?hahaha!
4. If in doubt, be evasive and noncommittal. Use words like “seems,” “appears,” “maybe,” “I think,” and “in my opinion.” If possible, end your paper with something like this: “But in the final analysis, who’s to say?” This is known as a rhetorical question. :lol:
5. If you quote from a source, make sure you don’t comment on the quote. You might get into trouble. It’s always better to say something like: “The above quotation illustrates the author’s point admirably.” Don’t say how, though. That’s for the professor to figure out! And whatever you do, certainly don’t attempt to evaluate anything. After all, you might get it wrong. hahaha
6. If you must have a thesis, make sure it’s nice and vague and uncontroversial. Prove something that you’re sure about and that only a moron would ever question. In addition, offer only broad generalizations to support the thesis; never get pinned down on details.
7. Whenever possible, use lots of jargon. In fact, the more the better. It will give your paper an air of authority. Also, it tends to confuse professors. After all, they can’t give F’s to what they don’t understand! Besides, jargonized morphemes are the sort of things that look good in a paper. Your professor may even think you are a logophile.
8. Don’t bother to proof-read. And whatever you do, don’t get someone else to proof-read for you! Professors are paid good money to catch spelling errors and grammatical faults; make’em earn it.
9. Don’t ever use a computer spelling or grammar checker! Besides, when you’re out of college a secretary will do that sort of stuff for you.
10. Finally, whenever possible turn your paper in late. Your professor will probably figure that you worked on it harder and longer than your classmates. After all, ‘A’ is for effort, isn’t it?
6 Comments
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Dar
on October 29th, 2006Lol that was worth reading ….. where is No. 6 & 9 ?
CheeerZ!
Iman
on October 29th, 2006Just don’t apply it to any of your papers :P
(the formatting was a bit off, it’s fixed now!)
lsdfkjsd
on November 1st, 2006Nice blog.
I can check off 1,2,4,5,7,8,9 and 10. Actually maybe the whole list applies to me except for #6, writing contraversial essays was what got me out of bed in the morning!
If you want, you can direct your students to contact me and I will mould them into the fine lazy student I excelled at being.
I must add though, my essays were quite well done for a mere Engineer.
Iman
on November 2nd, 2006lsdfkjsd, thank you!
…and I bet those controversial essays were done last minute by you… define ‘quite well done’ … you see, it shouldn’t matter what you do, writing is very essential in every field…
hmmm, I’ll pass..my students need to pass :P
lsdfkjsd
on November 3rd, 2006Well define “last minute” because even when I would start the essay two weeks in advance, I would still be changing it around and rushing to hand it in. For some topics, my thesis would change five times just while I’m brushing my teeth! Sometimes I would wonder if I started writing a paper even a year in advance, would I still be working on it till the last minute? When it is impossible to write a perfect essay, what do perfectionists do besides go insane? :P
Iman
on November 3rd, 2006Research Writing has a process …and if you follow that process, your work would not be considered last minute…as far as a perfect essay, hmm, there isn’t such one…well except for mine :P (alright, honestly..and not to sound too arrogant but I do have an essay I wrote in undergrad that received higher than the maximum points possible! you just encouraged me to look for it. I will spend part of my friday evening doing just that! :grin:)